Stop Caregiver Stress

As a caregiver you and your family have stepped into a life that
can create an abundance of stress.

Aging parents have given the responsibility of elder care to
more and more families. Stress does not have to be the fallout
of this situation. Elder care may require complete care for an
invalid or providing a safe home environment for a loved one
that can no longer live by their
self. Elder care for an aging parent requires you to learn how
to cope with the stress associated with being a caregiver.

You may not find yourself in an elder care situation, but in a
caregiver situation for a spouse or child that has become an
invalid due to illness or an accident. As a caregiver in this type
of situation you may find the stress to be more difficult to
handle.

Whether you are in an elder care or caregiver situation, you
have become responsible for the care of another individual.
This new responsibility will not only affect you but the rest of
your family as well. As with any new life-changing situation,
dealing with stress must
be handled before it destroys you. As a caregiver or a
provider of elder care you need to take the proper steps now
to protect your health and well-being.

Following these stress relief steps will help you reduce stress in
your role for elder care or as a caregiver.

Family Meeting

Elder care of an aging parent is the responsibility of your entire
family.

Have a family meeting with your immediate family and your
extended family, if you are in an elder care situation. Discuss
your loved one’s needs and the decision to take on the
responsibility as the primary caregiver.

When providing elder care, you are not only opening your
home to your loved one, but many times to visits from extended
family members. As a caregiver, set parameters, yet be
considerate to those who will want to visit. Don’t let difficult
people cause you more stress as you provide elder care to
your loved one. Dealing with difficult people in the beginning
will provide stress relief now and in the future.

As the caregiver learn all you can about the medical condition
of your loved one. When you have an understanding of the
affect that the illness and medication will have on your aging
parent or loved one, you will be better prepared by the
behavioral changes you may see. When dealing with terminal
illness, be alert to the emotional stress that will overtake
everyone involved. Stress relief comes by recognizing some of
these symptoms.

Providing elder care for an aging parent or being a caregiver
to a loved one while you still have children at home, will create
changes that the children may not understand or want to
accept. Allow the children to be a part of the meeting at some
point so that they can feel a part of this new responsibility and
possibly share ways that they can help. Explain to them, as
much as possible, what your role as the primary caregiver will
be and why elder care for an aging parent is necessary. Share
with them what they may expect to experience during this time
of transition. Always leave the door of communication open
with your children.

As a caregiver, try to get as many as possible involved with the
care. Determine responsibilities and let different ones
volunteer to handle them. Set up a regular meeting schedule
with extended family to discuss the ongoing responsibility of
providing elder care for an aging parent. Needs may change
as the health of the loved one changes. Stay in
communication with your immediate family and extended family,
especially in difficult elder care situations. For family members
that live elsewhere, set up a schedule for staying in touch. As
the primary caregiver, explain why it will be easier for them to
contact you, rather than you contacting them.

Realize that this is a change for the loved one that will now
need to be taken care of. Discuss how your loved one is
responding to this change. To have a smoother transition,
have a meeting that includes your loved one to discuss the
roles everyone will have.

This meeting is critical to the health and well-being of the one
who has taken on the responsibility of elder care or caregiver.
Keep the meeting positive. Demanding that others help in
ways that cause conflict will only leave you upset and
disappointed. You want the best care for your loved one, but
not to the detriment of your own health.

Goals

Set goals for yourself and your family. Be realistic in assessing
how this change is going to affect you and your home.
Depending upon the level of care that will be required, the
primary caregiver will need help from others in the normal
routine of life. The primary caregiver can experience burnout
quickly. Include in your goals time for yourself.

Remember, this is not a “guest” situation.

When providing elder care or being a caregiver you cannot try
to entertain your loved one all the time. Don’t focus so much
on the invalid that you forget the rest of your family. Assess
their capabilities and allow them to be as independent as
possible.

Check out local senior care facilities in your area. Determine if
there are outside activities that your aging parent can
participate in. If they can do it, let them. If you are caring for
an invalid, don’t try to set goals that are going to be impossible
to meet. Look at what is achievable and adjust your goals as
you learn what works and what does not. You, the caregiver,
want to feel satisfied with your progress, not burdened.

Elder care or caregiver situations may cause you to believe
that you are not doing all that you could do. You may then
begin to feel guilty when things are not going as planned. You
must stay objective to what you can and cannot accomplish.
Again, set realistic goals for yourself and your loved one.

Remember, it is all right to say “No”. You are not going to
benefit anyone if you allow yourself to succumb to the stress
of the situation. Let your family and the one you are caring for
know these limits. Look for alternative ways to meet the needs
at hand. Share these ideas with your family and with the one
receiving care. Let others help you come up with ideas.
Stress relief happens for the caregiver when you allow others
share in the responsibility of elder care or being a caregiver.

As the loved one’s health deteriorates, continue to re-assess
your situation with your family and make needed changes.

Asking For Help

Ask for and accept help from others. Read that again. In
many elder care or caregiver situations the primary caregiver
tries to do it all.

Don’t!!!

Trying to do it all is the worst step you can make. It is not
healthy for you, your family, or your loved one. Know your
limits and let others step in. There are family, friends, and
neighbors that are
willing to step in and help if you will let them. Don’t be
demanding, but do ask.

Many times the invalid may become so attached to the primary
caregiver that they may refuse to let others help with their
direct care. If you allow others to help from the beginning, you
may be able to avoid this pitfall.

Find A Friend

As a caregiver you should keep your communication lines open
with others. Not a complaint line, but a release line. Find
someone that you can easily talk to about your situation and
emotions. Don’t shut your spouse or your family out of your life.

In an elder care or in a caregiver situation, you may not have
anyone that you feel that you can talk with. If this is the case,
buy a stress relief journal and record your feelings. Write a
letter to your journal each day expressing your concerns, your
fears, and your emotions. You will be amazed how much this
will alleviate stress in this area.

This is not an easy situation, especially with elder care. Your
aging parent is declining and you feel you have no control over
the situation. This leads to many mixed emotions. As the
primary caregiver learn to understand and express your
emotions in a way that will be constructive to your health.
Keeping them bottled up inside will only make your health
decline.

Taking Care Of Yourself

Many times the primary caregiver, especially in an elder care
situation, will neglect themselves without realizing it. As the
primary caregiver, you must take care of yourself. Letting
yourself become sick or exhausted will not benefit anyone. Pay
attention to your diet, get enough sleep and exercise. Feeling
discouraged, depressed, or exhausted are signs that you may
be neglecting yourself.

Take a break from your elder care or caregiver
responsibilities. Don’t give up on your life because you are
taking care of another. Remember, let others help you.

In Conclusion

Providing elder care or being a caregiver is an emotional
situation for all involved. There will be difficult days. Use
outside agencies to help you with decisions that must be made.

You and your family must take the necessary steps to stay
physically and emotionally healthy. Don’t fall into the trap of
self-doubt and guilt. You have made a difference in the life of
your loved one by taking on the role as primary caregiver.